Sunday, December 5, 2010

everything's right tonight *clapclap clap*

Before it gets deep up in here, random stuff:

I spent an entire trip to work this week considering what I'd sing if I auditioned for American Idol. Decision: Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire".

I'm Tweeting. Well, let me rephrase this. I'm on Twitter, following a whole lot of people, and not being followed. So I don't Tweet much, because I'd be Tweeting to myself. That's really dumb. Follow me so I'm not dumb.

The Best American Nonrequired Reading edited by Dave Eggers. Just do it.

Satellite Radio is overrated.

Matt Wertz, if you're reading this: I want to be your wife.

Christmas time is magical. So magical, my taste in entertainment changes completely and I find it acceptable to watch an entire movie on the Hallmark Channel starring Candace Cameron. But when I consider this further, Christmas and DJ Tanner. Who really could say no?

Ok, guys. Time for some thoughts on Jesus stuff.

So, unrequited love. That's a motha, right? We've all been there. I was just there recently when I enjoyed a big bowl of Mongolian food. I loved didn't love me back...
[insert the "I just told a joke" drums in response to my toilet humor. What's the name for that drum sequence, anyway? Googling this soon.]

Like any young, single girl not harboring a dark soul, I've loved. My singleness should lead you to understand that this didn't work out for me. I wasn't loved back. More importantly...I wasn't loved enough. Instead of dwelling on these past loves, I've used them for the lessons learned. In every not-so-successful experience, I've gained knowledge about myself and my expectations. And so, as part of knowing myself, (and not in response to a romantic movie I saw at all, psshff), I started thinking recently about the way I want to be loved. What it looks like, what it sounds like, the ways I'll know it's real. And boys who probably don't read my blogs, you'll be surprised to know, it has nothing to do with grand gestures. Those can get old. Once, twice..awesome. They're necessary. But when it comes to loving someone, girls want the little things. And often.

I want to be encouraged. I want to be talked to. I want to be texted something funny. I want to be asked about my day. I want thoughtful consideration in getting me that sewing kit I mentioned in passing. I want my favorite song to remind them of me. I want time and adventures with that person.

I say all of this not as a part of an eHarmony profile, but to bring me to the purpose of this post. When I began considering the ways I want to be loved--truly loved--I began to recognize the incredibly shoddy job I do of showing God my love. Being in love with someone looks a certain way. Real love is constant. It's hard to stop thinking about this person. It's wanting to do things that bring this person joy. It's staying up all night telling each others' stories.

Basically, I've realized I'm a terrible girlfriend to God. (That sounds lame...but work with me here.) We're in love, God and me. He's been wonderful, too. That whole dying for me thing. His Grand Gesture. And then the little things He does for me every day. Giving me life, pretty sunrises, autumn breezes, providing for every need, reminding me constantly that I'm loved. And what does He receive in return? I sit on the couch watching Conan in silence. I tell Him goodnight and just go to bed. Sometimes, I ignore Him completely. He doesn't even get mad and start suffocating me with a whole bunch of drama. He just lets me make my selfish decisions, all the while loving me just as much. What is He thinking? He should dump me. Anyway...see where I'm going with this? I have all of these ways I want to be loved--the ways I AM loved by God. And if we're going to be real here, God IS love. Therefore, if I am not loving Him the same ways in return, I'm not loving at all. That's really all I have to say about it. I just want to do a better job of showing God how much I love Him. Because I know from experience how badly it sucks to not be loved the same way in return. Lucky for me, God doesn't psycho text. I gotta work on it.

Well, my coffee is cold. I'm tree? [punch line drum roll],