Monday, March 29, 2010


I got an iPhone. It's glorious. I am obsessed with Words with Friends. (CobyLT...bring it.) I love words. I also enjoy scoring points. This is obviously the perfect game for me. I have quite a few challenges going on, and I have a feeling that someone is cheating. (TyMire25, if you're reading this...I hope you know that cheaters never win. However, you have beaten me 3 times now, I believe. So really, they DO win. But it's annoying. Your high scoring words are absurd. I'll keep playing, but know that I'm onto you and I'm aware of the Words with Friends Cheats app. Don't be that guy.)

I am very behind on blogging. I think the best thing to do is to start with spring break. It's been over a week since it ended and still, I dream about it. You'd think I was being dramatic, but I'm sincere. I loved spring break. Like, I big and tall loved spring break. I spent time with my babies, I spent time in the sunshine, and I spent time in Austin with music and wine. All of these are in my top 10 favorite things amongst Jesus and Mexican food. Thus my joy.

Some random thoughts and additional happenings for you as of late:

I hate when toilet paper dispensers regulate the number of plies you are allowed. You know? Like, when you pull too hard it breaks over and over again. Until, after a flustered experience on the toilet you stick your hand INTO the dispenser and manually turn the roll yourself, releasing a satisfying amount of paper. After you've probably cut your hand on the freaking spiky things that assist in the tearing of the paper, you're finally able to finish up this process. It's troublesome.
This being said, I've decided that the ply measurement for toilet paper is pointless. Plies are much too small. A wad of toilet paper is necessary on every occasion. I don't care who you are. People don't count plies, and even if they did, I can guarantee they need more than 3. Therefore, I propose that if you really feel as though you need to divide the roll into something, make it meaningful and make your plies bigger. Or just let us rip the crap without perforation where we see fit. I mean, really. We can handle it. I'm taking this to Charmin. End rant.

Question: How much money is too much money to spend on iTunes a month? Yikes.
If you want to do something nice for yourself buy She & Him's Volume II, Vampire Weekend's Contra, and then, go ahead and purchase the song "Lover" by Devendra Banhart. You'll immediately be filled with happiness and sunshine. All of these are a glimpse of my springtime soundtrack. Be a pal and send other suggestions if you have some! But know ahead of time that I think a lot of stuff is stupid and I might ignore you. Sorry, it's not you, it's me.

I'm in the market for a piano. I looked into a new one and it basically costs more than a new car. Flippin' yeah, I'm serious. Where the heck have I been to not have realized this? Anyway...pianos for sale?

Did you know that the McDonald's Egg McMuffin is delicious? I was recently reunited with them and I've eaten 2 in the last 36 hours. Take the nasty ham stuff out and it's incredible. Go enjoy one soon.

I am the ultimate roadtripper this spring. I haven't stayed in Houston in a while, and I don't see it in my near future. I'm ok with this. Holla, and I'll let you know when I'm in a city near you.

Ok guys, it's my move on WWF. Crumpet, tea, a book, and I'm out by 9:30 tonight. Swear.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

i crave nourishment so strongly it resembles that of a wild canine

The first thing you need to do is figure out the title of this blog. It's the new cool thing on Twitter in which you translate pop lyrics into formal language. I stole this one from Dave Barnes. It is funny.

I want a sunburn.

I decided today that I want to begin writing a children's book. You will be informed when it's published. As of now, I'm deciding what the book will be about. And how the heck you write a book.

I'm about to partake in the 6th course of my dinner. It's a hot dog. I honestly don't think I've had one of these since the high school snack bar. If it were next week, I'd have an iPhone, and I'd take a picture of everything I'm eating and post it on Facebook. I don't know why, really. Most things are just funnier to me than they are to others.

I'm very excited that Jim and Pam are having their baby tonight. I feel like my friend is having a baby. And no, I'm not ashamed of this emotional attachment.

I can't wait for spring break. It better be sunny, or I'll cry. I have to read the Twilight books, or my kids win a pizza party. I'm beginning to think that I'd rather pay the $30.

Do you ever wonder what the relationship between Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest is like behind the scenes? They're so darn mean to each other. It makes me uncomfortable to watch sometimes. I'm on Simon's side. Seacrest is a fart knocker.

You know who I like lately? U2.

I just finished my hot dog. Could probably puke.

Welp, see ya later. :)