Sunday, September 26, 2010

I'm rocking the suburbs just like Michael Jackson did.

Ingredients for an A+ weekend:

knitting needles
$12.99 candles from Target
evening streets
sweet dance moves while walking down said streets
a cute grocer
sunflowers to me, from me
best friend
fair trade coffee
yoga pants
Judy Garland
a bottle of Ménage à Trois
Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray
Hobby Lobby
gummy worms
mini homemade spinach and cheese pizza
a Martha Stewart Living publication
autumn sunshine

Yeah. All of that happened. Awesome weekend.

I spent this awesome weekend doing these awesome things alone with the exception of a morning jog with the BFF. Because I live by myself, this is often the case. Given the fact that I work with 80 6th graders 5 of 7 days a week, this does not make me sad at all. I love being alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a loser or anti-social (most of the time), but I more often than not would rather be quiet, listen to music, and read. Although roommates have their perks, such as gossiping about TV characters as if they're our friends and contributing to the toilet paper supply, living alone is nice, too. It allows me to take sporadic naps and leave my yogurt container on the ground for as long as I want without the motivation that possible judgment brings. Most importantly, it allows much time for pointless thought. And so, here is a glimpse of the things I considered this weekend when I wasn't Facebooking you:

What's worse?
A finger in your can of soup.
A snake pops out of the toilet hole thingy while you're sitting on it.

Slippery banana peels. Cartoons and Mario Kart made me believe these were dangerous. Who is the originator of this idea? Even so, if I see one in the parking lot, I am going to warn you so as to prevent you from stepping on it, or running it over. Or maybe I won't, for 2 reasons: 1. To validate or nullify this theory. 2. People falling down is funny.

I mostly don't care what other people think of your status. If you were notified that I commented on it or liked it, and then you notice it's gone: it is.

How many girls REALLY care about football? And how many girls say they do to impress that boy they're dating/interested in? Ok, sure. We're old enough now to not be so easily influenced by that dreamboat. But, I also believe that if a girl is legitimately interested in this sport, this interest started in 5th grade when the boy she wanted to end up married to in MASH was wearing a Dallas Cowboys/Houston Oilers Starter jacket.

If you're not holding a stereo above your head John Cusack style, then no, darling. I will not marry you.

Remember that one time I wanted a puppy and I asked you guys to talk me out of it on Facebook? You completely failed. The only thing keeping my feet on the ground in regard to this topic is how much I'd rather buy that $50 fedora from Urban Outfitters and not spend it on chew toys and vet bills. Although, which is the better investment for snagging a super hot boyfriend? A fabulous wardrobe accessory, or the conversation-starting, adorable puppy that gets off of his leash and runs in the direction of the boy reading C.S. Lewis on the bench at the park down my street. I'll chase after him, cute boy will pet cute puppy, our eyes will meet, and we'll exchange witty banter until it gets dark. Psshhff, no. I haven't thought about this or watched too many romantic comedies.

IS this whole Joaquin Phoenix thing a prank? I was a semi-second away from renting Casey Affleck's documentary about him on iTunes last night, but then stopped myself when I thought about how pissed I'd be if I spent $7.00 to watch a publicity stunt. I also decided that regardless the fact or fiction of his new persona, the majority of me wants to punch him in the face and not spend time frustrated and uncomfortable witnessing a bearded douche bag attempt to rap. I opted for A Star is Born with Judy Garland instead. Which, unlike my choice to wear white and drink red wine with the knowledge of my consumption spill track record, proves that I mostly make excellent decisions.

I think I'm the only person in Texas not watching football today. Instead, I'm off to the coffee shop to read what I know will be absolutely enthralling 6th grade personal narratives about a memorable day. I think I'm going to see if this place is accepting applications so I can earn some extra cash and do research for my retirement plan. I am a full-time teacher and have a master's degree, and I'm still nervous they won't hire me. You guys be good to each other. Until next time. :) xoxo

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