Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Part-izzle One-izzle

A few things first:

1. I miss you, sunshine. Please come back.
2. I have perfectly fine hygiene, but I dread the days when a shower is unavoidable.
3. It is absolutely impossible for me to stay awake after 10:30pm. I'm embarrassed.
4. God has been working on my heart so much lately. I don't know if I can express fully what's been going through my head, but I'm going to do my best. Check it. (hahaha..."check it". It's ok, you can say it. "You're a dork, Coby.")

First of all, I've been thinking a lot about circumstances and situations. Mostly just some struggles I've been through as a Christian and what God has done with them. I feel like I have to start this off with some background info. This all came to pass when I set out on a Map Quest to Magnolia, TX to see J.J. Heller at Chic-Fil-A. (This sounds like a joke, but it's totally legit.) My roommate, Melissa, and I drove an hour and 45 minutes until we came to terms with the fact that we were lost and that my directions were extremely false. Thus we saw the "Woodlands Parkway" sign, and realized we were in The Woodlands somehow. So running 30-45 minutes late by now anyhow, we decided to void the concert idea altogether and eat at The Cheesecake Factory instead. It was delicious. I kept making the joke last night that Melissa and I should have known that something like this would happen, because this is just another day in the life of me. I'm mostly a mess with a terrible sense of direction, but I have developed a sense of humor about it. However, all of this led me to thoughts about the unexpected. In thinking about it today, I believe with all of my heart that where I ended up last night was exactly where I was supposed to be. And from here, I got to thinking about some of the heartache and stresses I've had in the last 7'ish years. Some of the things I've been through and the very unexpected turns my life has taken. (Tell me a year ago that I'd be teaching 6th grade language arts in Houston now and I'd say "you crazy". Yes, "you crazy", not "you're crazy" as one might expect from an English teacher. I like to keep it real.) And suddenly I thought: Would I be where I am now with the Lord if everything were always perfect? If I never had the disappointments or the mile-long to-do lists, would I have pursued Him and prayed to Him like I did? In those moments when I was in pain, anxious, afraid, uncertain, heartbroken, and insecure, and I was sure my life was just a big mess, I look back in my journal and I'm crying out to the Lord. I'm examining my heart and I'm reaching for Him. I'm reading His Word and He was the only peace I found. He not only gave me strength and carried me through, but I praise Him now because I'm on the other side. And I'm on the other side with a strengthened faith and a relationship with Christ. I know now that God wanted me closest to Him...whatever it took. He WANTED me to need Him. And gosh, I did. The crap it took for me to get there sucked, but I see now that is was worth it. And so, I believe and I know that when things in life seem tough or that they aren't working goodness...they're working out indeed. I pray to live a life of faith in this. To know that where we are is exactly where we're supposed to be. Perhaps we needed to be going through that specific situation at that specific moment for God to grow us in maturity, truth, wisdom, or humility. Perhaps the unexpected is better for us. Whatever it may be, I DO know that our God mostly just wants us where He is...whatever it takes. :)
That is the condensed version of Part I of what's on my heart. I'll write Part II when it isn't so close to 10:30. Clue: It has everything to do with Proverbs 4:23.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I can't get rid of the dang italics now. Goodnight :)

1 comment:

  1. Wow. You are very insightful my lady. That is just mind blowing. It really is. Thank you for sharing.